Game Center CX Arino no Chousenjou

Game Center CX Arino no Chousenjou

by Mark P. – March 18, 2009

I can’t stand this game, I really can’t. If you can even call it that. Game Center CX Arino no Chousenjou aka Retro Game Challenge has to be one of the most cynical videogame cash-ins I’ve seen for quite some time. It’s not one of those shitty-word-coach-healthy-lifestyle-give up-smoking non-games aimed at your mother and sister. This actually happens to be aimed at actual gamers this time. So what exactly is so cynical about this compilation of Famiclones? It is the games themselves. Just give me a second to explain the inspiration for this title as it will lead to my following point.

Game Center CX is a television show about a man going about his work for the company of his current employment. The twist here is that his work involves playing videogames, specifically videogames from an older generation. So each episode see’s Arino playing a 8/16-bit console game from the ’80/’90s, his single requirement is the basic completion of each game. With most of the games coming from an older era we see the likes of Contra, Ninja Ryūkenden, Chelnov and Makaimura being played. The amusement comes from the fact Arino tends to be quite shit at these games and fails at some of the most basic button combinations required to progress in most action games. You, the viewer, cheer him on and in the end he either wins or fails at completing the game.

A summary of the above would look like; “a man plays older, hard videogames and has a lot of fun, shits and giggles are had until the game’s completion”. This is the experience Game Center CX Arino no Chousenjou is trying to recreate. It doesn’t actually go the exact same way about it though, you’re not provided with real Famicom games to play. Instead the developer has taken it upon themselves to develop 8 new Famiclones.

From my crude use of the term Famiclone you can imagine they’ve taken the approach to develop titles that look, sound and play like Famicon games. Of course it would have been quite an effort to develop brand new games from scratch so indies zero pretty much just ripped off some of the most popular games to come from the ’80s.

First off your on screen avatar is represented by a small Japanese kid, a disembodied, ugly, polygonal, floating Arino head has turned you into a child and taken you back 25+ years in time to the earliest days of the Famicom. His disembodied head has held your adulthood at ransom, to return you to your correct age you must complete the challenges Arino sets before you, oh the horror. The real bad thing about the addition of Arino as an antagonist, is instead of leaving you to complete each game you’re given, he sets rather dull and easy challenges, this breaks up playthroughs and makes the proceedings feel like a chore. The irony here being that this collection of games is meant to be aping an earlier era of gaming, not the achievement filled current-gen we’re currently in.  All of this is filler added in a some what thinly veiled attempt at artificially extending the game.

The first game you encounter, Cosmic Gate, is a rather boring Galaga clone. Your ship is stuck on a fixed plane and you move from left to right shooting at aliens whilst they’re performing a deadly cosmic dance. The only new additions here are a level warp exploit and a lame asteroid shooting bonus stage. You don’t spend too long with this game, it’s like the developer knew this was just nostalgic filler to whet the appetite of the player. After you quickly finish the dull challenges you’re given another new game to play; Robot Ninja Haggle Man, I must add that this for me is probably the worst game I’ve had the displeasure of playing for a while. Firstly, the game is an absolute eyesore, the pixel work here looks very rushed and rough around the edges, devoid of any charm or style. Then comes the actual game mechanics, the game is an absolute mess, the aping of an actual arcade action platformer from the ’80s here is way off the mark. You’re given two ways to dispatch an enemy, either by opening or closing a door on them, or via a head stomp. Your task of dispatching all your enemies is made even easier due to a projectile stun weapon. Oh and did I mention you could hide behind doors? Giving yourself a safety spot to hide behind for as long as you want. You even get 2 hit points and a chance to recover one by going through 3 lettered doors in reverse alphabetical order. Does this sound like a unforgiving rock-hard action game from the ’80s? No, it’s absolute childs play, the entire game lasts about 5 minutes and you’ll feel like a retard if you even die just once. If platformers were like this when I was growing up, I probably wouldn’t have bothered with videogames at all.

I found I had only clocked in around 30 minutes of actual game time before being handed the 3rd game; Rally King, a top-down racer. My first few minutes with the game were awful, the car’s handling felt very weak and quite ropey, this is until of course you’re disclosed the drift boosting technique. Letting go of the accelerator lets your car drift around corners with ease, drift for long enough and you’re given a major speed boost at the end of your cornering motion. This of course totally breaks the game, you’ll be flying past 3 cars at every corner. Rally King is another short experience, with the game only having a total of 3 courses, each lasting only around a minute and a half each. Once you’ve finished sledging through that game you’re handed another new one. A 2D vertical shooting game called Star Prince, just like Star Soldier it comes with it’s own Caravan scoring modes too. The first thing I noticed is the game is a damn sight uglier than the other Famicom shooting games it apes. The second thing is that it is far easier, this is before you’re even handed a turbo button to use. My experience with this title was extremely swift, just imagine a watered down Caravan style shooter and you have this game. After that nonsense I’m given, ta-da-da-daaa; Robot Ninja Haggle Man 2, if you paid attention you’d know how I felt about the first game, I detest it. All this sequel manages to add are slightly larger level areas, a couple of the enemies are beefed up (barely) and you have another excruciatingly dull and easy experience.

I was pretty pissed about being handed a sequel to a game I didn’t like the first time round, so right after that Arino hands me; Rally King SP, see a pattern starting to form? All this brand new game adds is some in game commercial cutscenes between races and minor track alterations. The challenges and whatnot are virtually the same and I’m still not really having any fun yet. My patience is wearing thin quickly with this package, I’m pretty fed up at this point. I was given the next new game; Gaudia Quest, I  save and turn off my DS, leaving this game for a week. I was at wits end and pretty much done with this lame retro gaming package.

It’s only a week later I’m told that Robot Ninja Haggle Man 3 (yes wtf, another sequel) resembles Ninja Ryūkenden in both looks and mechanics. So I pick up my DS and turn it back on and find myself playing Gaudia Quest. At it’s heart, Gaudia Quest is pretty much just a straight Dragon Quest rip-off. I do have to mention the first challenge for this game as it was quite pathetic, it literally involved reaching the next town and saving the game, something that takes less than 2 minutes, if this doesn’t illustrate my beefs with this game then nothing will. I was pleasantly surprised with the first dungeon design, it wasn’t a straightforward line to the boss, but again it was far too easy. Random battles would pop up and all you had to do was mash the a button to confirm that you wanted to attack the enemy, occasionally a stronger enemy would appear and you’d use an overpowered magic spell on them. After battle you spent a quick few seconds healing if you got hurt. This game lasted a little longer than the rest, but that’s mainly because it’s a bog standard JPRG, a little grinding here and there, trawl through a dungeon and kill a boss.

After clearing the challenges for Guadia Quest I have finally unlocked Robot Ninja Haggle Man 3. I must admit I am a little excited, it was of course was foolish of me to expect anything near the quality of Ninja Ryūkenden, given the hellish experience I’ve spent with the last 7 games. The title screen for this game is ugly as hell, it resembled something from a Spectrum ZX title screen rather than a Famicom title. A familiar Act 1 style screen is presented in the same style of Ninja Ryūkenden, this is where the similarities end. I didn’t find myself playing a fast paced difficult arcade style action game, I found myself playing a rather ugly and slow Metroidvania style platformer. Let me elaborate, to clear the first level I had to a) collect items (gears) which were then used as currency, b) visit an ingame shop to purchase an item, c) bring up an item equip screen to equip the item, d) use the new ability I gained from my new equipment to pass through a blockade to the next area. Can you imagine if Ninja Ryūkenden was actually like this? Instead of combating enemies and dealing with intricate platforming, you spent your time harvesting in-game currency and shopping for crap to unlock the next area? Screw this, I have had it with this game.

And that ladies and gentlemen is Center CX Arino no Chousenjou for you, the cynical videogame cash-in. What this game does is so insulting, it was made with the assumption that you no longer have an imagination, you no longer know how to set up a Famicom/Megadrive/SFC or whatever. You will purchase this oh my god-like-so-cool-retro experience instead of taking it upon yourself to sit down on a nice comfy sofa, hook up an older console (or PC/Laptop, if you get what I mean), grab a bowl of popcorn and start playing some quality titles from yesteryear. It’s sad really, all I was looking forward to playing were overhyped bastardizations of games I already own, all the cute little mini magazines and atmosphere thrown in did nothing to enhance my experience with this game. I’ve learnt my lesson from playing this game, I won’t be wasting anymore time on it again, but I will continue to play and enjoy decent, well made, quality Famicom games.

1/5